Me and Chairman Mao

Suck It, Glenn Beck!

As I mentioned a while ago, I converted my book to Kindle format and threw it up on Amazon for 99 cents. (I'd put it up there for free, but they won't let you.) I didn't really tell anyone about it--word of mouth marketing at its best!--but the other day I realized that people were actually buying it. Can you believe it? (Seriously, I only sort of do.)

Lo and behold, at one point, I was up to the #23 slot in Humor > Essays, putting me one slot ahead of Glenn Beck. Take that, Glenn! Also, I am way funnier than you. (But not way funnier than PJ O'Rourke at #25. He writes some funny shit.)

Anyway, here is the proof! Just imagine what my sales will do when I actually get around to telling people they can buy it. Astronomical, obviously. Michael Ian Black, I'm coming for you!

More Number-Crunching.

Now that I've been live for more than a week--with less posts than intended, for the record (see below)--how about some more recent numbers?

• Number of times the domain-level settings for the website were completely messed up, causing about half the people I emailed about this site to go to the wrong website: 1.
• Number of times the above was my fault: 1.
• Number of days since the last post that I have been sick: 3 (Give or take).
• Number of days since the last post that I have been China-level sick: 1.
• Number of comments: 2.
• Number of comments questioning my sexual orientation: 1 (Thank-you, Steve!)
• Number of additional times I can use this Harper's-like list format before it gets old: 0.

And, most importantly:

• Number of times the book has been downloaded: over 100 (Thanks!)

And, I suppose:

• Number of times the book has been downloaded than forwarded to thousands of people, who have all read and enjoyed it more than any other book (written by me about China) ever: over 1,000. (Approximately. Within 995 or so, for sure.)

Stay tuned for ... I don't know. Something entertaining, I hope. I guess you'll have to wait and see. 

Number-Crunching.

As of now -- or at least a few hours ago -- Me and Chairman Mao is officially live. That being said, let's look at some early numbers:

• Number of page views today as of this minute, according to TypePad: 26.
• Number of page views not from me: 5. (Margin of error is +/- 5.)
• Number of dollars made: 0. (Number unlike to change.)
• Number of Nobel Prizes for Literature Received: 0. (See above.)
• Number of Nobel Prizes in any field received: 0.
• Number of Pulitzer Prizes awarded: 100+.
• Number of Pulitzer Prizes awarded ... to me: 0.
• Number of National Book awards won (by me): 0.
• Number of any book awards won (by me): 0.
• Number of comments received: 1.
• Number of comments received that were actually me messing around and were subsequently deleted: 1.
• Number of hate mails received: 1.
• Number of hate mails received mentioned above that were actually about my other blog and were sent by someone who not only didn't appreciate my story about feeding chickens to tigers, but who also hopes that: "a tiger eats you, jerk!": 1.

I think that about covers it, don't you?